Writing Home The Easy Way

Dear Parent(s), Date: ___________

I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

Please send:

__ Money (Cash)! Amount: _________________________ __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ___________ __ Clean clothes!

Relationships:

__ What?
__ I am in love with myself
__ I am in love!
__ I am engaged
__ I got married last weekend

My Roommate:

__ Worships the ground I walk on
__ Gave me a black eye
__ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason __ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ??? __ Has fleas

My Professors are:

__ Sadistic water walkers
__ Mental institution escapees
__ Brain dead nerds
__ Super oxygen thieves

Latest News:

__ I wrecked the car
__ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit __ You are going to have a grandchild __ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild

Food:

__ Is great!
__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking __ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

Grades:

__ I am making all A's
__ I am not being properly challenged __ I will be home after this semester

I study:

__ Night and day
__ All the time
__ 80 hours a week
__ Only on Sunday afternoon
__ None of the above

Daily Devotions:

__ I read my Bible everyday
__ I can't read
__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

On my last visit home, I left:

__ My glasses
__ My paper that was due yesterday
__ The clothes you washed for me
__ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment __ Other _____________________________________________

Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)

Laundry:

__ My white underwear is now _________________ __ I am saving money by not using detergent __ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

My room:

__ Can pass your "white glove" test __ Is only _____% full
__ Could not be located last Saturday night __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

Parties:

__ I don't inhale
__ I only go to meet people
__ Haven't been to one since this morning

Hope you:

__ Miss me
__ Can live without me
__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

Salutation:

__ Your Daughter,
__ Your Son,
__ Yours,