A man walked into his office and told his male co-workers his
wife had given him an ultimatum: until he quit smoking, he wasn't
going to get any sex.

They asked him, "How long do you think you'll be able to hold
out?"

"Until my girlfriend dies or I get arthritis of the wrist."


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Mother Teresa went to Heaven and she was walking around - checking the
place out. She walked up to St Peter and said "Where would I go to make a
complaint?"

St Peter told her to go see Gabriel. She goes to Gabriel and asks "Why
does Princess Di have a bigger halo than me.

Gabriel says, "SHHHHH... That's not a halo. That's a steering wheel.




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American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is 
so full of crap he can't fly.

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Q: I have kleptomania..... 

A: .....but when it gets bad, I take something for it 

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Q: What is it when a blonde blows into another blonde's ear?  

A: Data transfer 

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What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? 


Goes-in-tight!

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The young man told his father, "I want to marry a good woman,
a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman
who will make me happy."
 
His father told him he'd better make up his mind.

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The Sunday School teacher asked, "Now, Johnny, tell me, do you 
say prayers before eating?"  

"No maam," he replied...


 "We don't have to. My mom is a good cook!"


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Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?

Defendant: No, I did not.

Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?

Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a lot better than the penalty
for murder.


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The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in 
the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall 
and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the 
stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed. Joseph said, "Write 
that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!"


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One  beautiful Sunday morning, a priest announced to his congregation:
"My good  people,  I have here in my hands three sermons...a $100
sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen
minutes, and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour.  "Now, we'll take
the collection and see which one I'll deliver."



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Today's Ebonics word is: OMELETTE


Let me use it in a sentence:

"I should punch you dead in yo eye fo what you just sayed, but OMELETTE dis 
one slide."



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