There's a new product out for men who want to satisfy their woman in the
great outdoors, but don't want to get chewed up by mosquitos. 
It's a combination of Viagra & insect repellent. 
It's called "F*ck-Off"!!! 



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When my son was in third grade, his teacher asked
him to spell "straight." He did so correctly.

"Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?"

"Without water," he replied.



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The teacher asked her fifth-grade class, "How was Columbus 
treated when he returned from his third voyage?"

One student said, "Lots of people met him at the pier, 
and they all had a great time."

Sternly, the teacher said, "You didn't read the assignment!"

The student brought the textbook up to the teacher's desk and 
showed her where it read, "Columbus received a cool reception 
when he returned from his third voyage."



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Have you heard there's a new soft drink on the market that contains Viagra?
No?
It's called Mount N' Do 


Q: Why did the chocolate chip cookie visit the doctor? 
A: He was feeling crummy 


Q: What did the geometry teacher say when she lost her parrot? 
A: Where's my polygon? 



I know I'm really good in bed because women always ask me if there's any 
possible way I could make it last longer.




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A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He
walks up to the driver's window and asks, "You drinkin'?"  The driver
said, "Well that depends. You buyin'?"



"May I try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous young woman asks
the manager of the designer boutique. Go ahead," the manager replies,
"Maybe it'll attract some business.? 



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A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time.
After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking
her how often she has intercourse.

"Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.

The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.

"I can't," says the woman.  "That's the only night I'm home with my husband!"



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It was testimony night in the church.  A lady got up and said, "We are
living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand.  I have had a terrible
fight with the old devil all week."

Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not
all my fault either; she's tough to get along with."



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Drowsing contentedly after an afternoon of making love in bed,
suddenly there was the sound of a car pulling up outside.
    
Dreamily, the girl whispered, "Oh, oh, quick get moving, that's
my husband!"

Quick as a flash, the man jumped out of bed, rushed to the window,
then suddenly stopped dead. "What d'ya mean?" he bellowed, "I AM your
husband!"


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Our old friend Gladys attended church services one particular 
Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the 
congregation fell asleep.

After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very 
sleepy looking gentleman, in an attempt to revive him from 
his stupor, extended her hand in greeting, and said, 
"Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."

To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!"



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