Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna
called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed,
"John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister,
"it's not half as bad as you think. Every
marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what
am I going to do with the BODY?"
******************************************************************
A window salesman phoned a customer.
"Hello, Mr. Brown," said the sales rep. "I'm calling because our
company replaced all the windows in your house with our
triple-glazed weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you
still haven't sent us a single payment."
Mr. Brown replied, "But you said they'd pay for THEMSELVES in 12
months!"
********************************************************************
Little Johnny was watching TV with his father while his mother prepared
the dinner in the kitchen.
After a while Little Johnny wanders into the kitchen and asks his mother,
"Mommy, are the Spice Girls robots?"
"No, dear they aren't, why do you ask?"
"Well, Daddy just said that he'd like to screw the ass off the black one."
***********************************************************************
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained. "It
took us awhile to find a new pilot."
*********************************************************************
I bumped into a friend of mine I'd not seen in ages.
"Are you still seeing that girl Helen ?" I said.
"Nah, she bled to death from gonorrhea" he said.
I said "You don't bleed to death from gonorrhea."
He said "You do if you give it to me."
*********************************************************************
As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the
jury-selection process. First a computer
randomly selects a few hundred citizens
from the entire county to report for jury duty
on a particular day. Then another computer
assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom.
Then the 40 names are placed in a drum,
and a dozen names are pulled.
During jury selection for one trial, the judge
asked potential Juror No. 1 if there was any
reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.
"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 12 is
my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury,
I guarantee we would not be able to agree on
anything."
Both were excused.
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