Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.

 GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY: My wife is just as beautiful as when I
 married her 20 years ago. Now it just takes her longer.


 Courtship: Is like looking at the beautiful photos in a seed
 catalog.

 Marriage: Is what actually comes up in your garden.


 Success is getting what you want.
 Happiness is wanting what you get.


 The length of a minute depends on which side of a bathroom door
 you're standing on.


 The most effective way to remember your spouse's birthday is to
 forget it once..


 Some people are so determined to find blissful happiness that they
 overlook a lifetime of contentment.


 A true music lover is a man who puts his ear to the key hole to
 listen to a beautiful woman singing in the tub.


 Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.


 The only good thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to
 others.


 There are some who feel it is inappropriate to make fun of the holy
 institution of marriage.

 Then there are others who know it's the only way we can live with
 it.


 Our real world dictionary defines a pessimist as an optimist with
 experience.


 My marriage is a continuous process of getting used to things I
 hadn't expected.

 Before we got married, I caught her in my arms.
 Now I catch her in my pockets.


 What's the difference between a vision and a sight? -When my wife
 gets dressed up for a party she looks like a vision and when she
 wakes up in the morning she's a sight.


 My wife only has 2 complaints. Nothing to wear and not enough closet
 space.


 Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.


 Q: Why did the polygamist cross the aisle?

 A: To get to the other bride.


 Cosmetics: A womans' means for keeping a man from reading between
 the lines.


 Q: What's the best way to get a youthful figure?

 A: Ask a woman her age.


 Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your
 parachute.


 Some people think life begins at conception, while others think life
 begins at birth. But some believe that life begins when the kid
 moves out and the dog he left behind dies.