HE SYMPHONY

The Cleveland Symphony Orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.

There is an extensive section where the bass players don't play for 20 minutes or so. One of them decided that, rather than stand around on stage looking bored and stupid, they'd all just file offstage during their tacit-time and hang out backstage, then return when they were about to play.

On the night of the performance, the bass players filed off as planned. The last one had barely come off stage when the leader suggested "Hey, we've got 20 minutes, let's run across the street to the bar for a few!" This idea was met with great approval, so off they went, tuxedos and all, to loosen up.

15 minutes and few rounds later, one of the bass players said "Shouldn't we be heading back -- it's almost time." But the leader announced, "Oh don't worry, we'll have some extra time -- I played a little joke on the conductor. Before the performance started, I tied string around each page of his score so that he'd have to untie each page to turn it. The piece will drag on a bit. --
We've got time for another round!"

So round they did, and finally - sloshed and staggering - they made their way back across the street to finish Ludwig's 9th. Upon entering the stage, they immediately noticed the conductor's haggard, drawn, and livid expression. "Gee," one queried, "why do you suppose he looks so tense?"

"You'd be tense, too," laughed the leader. "It's the bottom of the 9th, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded!"


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