SEX PROGRAM
============
SEX(1) USER COMMANDS SEX(1)
NAME
sex - have sex
SYNOPSIS
sex [ options ] usercode [ usercode ... ]
DEFAULTS
If no usernames are specified, names are taken from the LOVERS
environment variable.
OPTIONS
Options to make things more interesting are as follows:
-1 wiggle
-a external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option
-b buggery
-B bestiality with
-c chocolate sauce option
-C chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s -W)
-d get a date with the features described in
-e exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the net)
-f foreplay option
-F nasal sex with plants
-i coitus interruptus (messy!)
-j jacuzzi option (California sites only)
-l leather option
-L Lick option
-m masochism (see -s)
-M triple parallel (Menage a Trois) option
-n necrophilia (if target process is not dead, program kills it)
-N Nipple option
-o oral option
-O parallel access (flower-picking party)
-p debug option (proposition only)
-P pedophilia (must specify a child process)
-q quickie (wham, bam, thank you, ma'am)
-s sadism (target must set -m)
-S sundae option
-v voyeurism (surveys the entire net)
-v1 vaseline option
-V Vibrator option
-w whipped cream option
-W whips (see also -s, -C, and -m)
-x extra (loop routine - cumming back for more)
-y yogurt option
ERRORS
'Missing External' = "Where did I put the vibrator?"
'Mismatch error' = One component is non-standard.
'Next without For' = Next process has been started without
foreplay.
'Syntax Error' = Error in chat up line.
'I/O Error' = Input-Output is too slow.
'Unknown Procedure' = The process is non-standard but fun.
'No Such Line' = Chat up line has gone down.
'Out of Memory' = You had too much to drink last night.
'Illegal Input' = 3 fingers are quite enough.
'Undefined Variable' = Decide how much you are going to pay.
'Identifier not Used' = Don't give her your name.
'Do without Loop' = At least do it twice.
'Inserted ; ' = Only with users permission bit set.
'Insufficient data' = "Oh yeah, I've taken precautions."
'Your party is not
responding' = Unsuccessful strip-poker request call.
'Access Denied' = Chastity bit set.
'Unknown Host Name' = "Whose party is it?"
'Output Only' = don't try anal sex
'Can't Access Floppy' = "Where the hell is it!"
'Server Not Responding' = Either too much drink or impotent.
'Too many Arguments' = Don't try talking to partner.
'Peripheral in Use' = Remove chewing-gum before administering
blowjob.
'Bad Baud Rate' = Use your imagination or she'll get bored.
'Copy is Unreadable' = Porno-mags are not for reading.
'Already Open' = Just undo the button and off they come.
'Process Timed Out' = Premature ejaculation has occurred.
'Out of Range' = Her husband is in London.
'Unmatched (' = Boobs are of different sizes.
'Permission Denied' = I told you not to try anal sex.
'No repeat' = Not tonight darling, I'm too tired.
'Source is Protected' = Very sensible, always keep one with you.
'Invalid Entry' = Don't take advantage of disabled people.
'CPU down' = Had to happen sooner or later.
'Connection closed by
foreign host' = Husband arrival.
'Illegal Direct' = "hi babe, wanna fuck" is not implemented.
'Can't Read' = People want intellectuals these days.
'Begin Without End' = Not likely to occur.
'only 3 connections
allowed' = Stop being greedy!
'bad track' = told u not to do it to Des O'Connor!
'write protected' = its ok, she's had the op.
'cannot open' = her knees are surgically joined.
'file already open' = she's a slut.
'no manual entry' = switch to auto pilot.
'no such process' = forget it, its impossible.
'65 bytes free' = after this, bites cost 10p each.
'no command' = she knows what you want.
'your party has
logged out' = you were too long at the pharmacist.
'RTFM error' = see karma sutra.
'mistake' = yup, thats her asshole!
'no device specified' = which vibrator do you want?
'no such device' = if device no. > 15"
'Stopped' = Doorbell activated.
'Stopped by operator' = Phone rings.
'Interrupt' = son arrives at location.
'dlog file exists' = you logged out before ejaculation.
'missing end statement' = she had gone when you awoke.
'missing bit' = Jewish operator.
SEX PASCAL v.69
ERRORS
'Hex number too large' = The last time I saw one that big it was
hanging under a donkey.
'Variable too big
for memory' = It's so big, it won't fit!
'BEGIN expected' = She's got her clothes off and ready.
'Too many procedures' = The foreplay's gone on long enough.
'DO expected' = "Come on, do it to me!"
'Label not declared' = What brand of condoms have you got?
'END expected' = "Please stop, I've had enough!"
'Too many digits' = You can't put your whole hand up.
'Premature end of file' = It went limp before the climax.
'Too many devices' = Which vibrator shall I choose from?
'Variant device' = I'll choose this one - it's got
thrusting action.
'Tag type mismatch' = The condom's too big.
'Real device expected' = I don't want a vibrator - I need the
real thing.
'Can't read this type' = I've lost my glasses and cannot read
the small writing on this sex manual.
'Too many dimensions
for translator' = I'm having problems translating page 47
of the kama sutra into Serbo Croat.
'Digit expected' = Get your magic fingers working on my
erogenous zones!
'ID table overflow' = I told you not to do it on the table
where it would overflow onto the carpet.
'Too many nested
records' = There's so many Des O'Connor records on
that shelf that it's put me off the job.
FATAL ERROR
'Premature termination' = she had an epileptic fit while giving
blowjob of parameter.
DEMONSTRATION PROGRAM
Program Sex (input,output,input,output,input,output,input,output);
var
condom,up,down : boolean;
Procedure up_and_down;
begin
if up=true then
down
else
up
end;
begin
repeat
read(condom);
until (condom=true)
repeat
up_and_down;
until climax
end.
If you are a bit kinky then the following procedure may be implemented
Procedure foreplay;
begin
read(choice);
case choice of
1 : Strawberry Yogurt;
2 : Baked Beans;
3 : Ice Cream;
4 : Vaseline;
endcase
end.
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