Sears is making a tool in honor of Bill Clinton....the Clinton driver...screws everything guranteed.

Two men are on opposite sides of the world. One of them is walking a tight-wire between 2 tall skyscrapers. One of them is receiving oral sex from a 90 year old woman What are both men thinking?

Don't look down!

Did you know that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom? That's because it represents inflation, halts production, and gives you a false sense of security while you are being screwed.

I'm not the kind-of guy who objects to my wife having the last word. I'd just wish to hell she'd get to it !

Since the release of Viagra, exotic dancers now claim that they are receiving a lot more standing ovations.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

1. Ask your mom
2. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
   1. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
   2. What do the gynecologist and the Pizza delivery man have in common?
   3. They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it.
   4. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
   5. Full.
   6. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
   7. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
   8. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
   9. Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
   10. What's the difference between a bitch and awhore?
   11. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you!!!!!

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says.
"He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb? She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? "Dam".

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frosbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A pachydermatologist

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.