Good News:      A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff.  The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors.
Bad News:       There were three empty seats.

        * * *

Q:      How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie?
A:      His lips begin to move.

        * * *

Q:      How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying
        dead in the road?
A:      With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.

        * * *

Q:      How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:      How many can you afford?

        * * *

Q:      What do you get if you send the Godfather to law school?
A:      An offer you can't understand.

        * * *

Q:      What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
A:      Not enough sand.

        * * *

Q:      What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A:      A Doberman pinscher.

        * * *

Q.      How do you get an attorney out of a tree?
A.      Cut the rope!

Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers?

1. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

Q: How is the Italian version of Christmas different?

1. One Mary, one Jesus, and 32 Wise guys.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas?

Everyone has the same DNA.

In an airplane full of burnettes, what do you call a corner full of blondes?
An air pocket!!!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.

What is the difference between yogurt and the American Bar Association? Yogurt has culture.

Why are attorneys like sperms?
Because only one in ten million turns out to be a human being.

Why are lawyers great in bed?
They get so much practice screwing people.

A tomcat told a female cat, "For you, I would die." The female asked, "How many times?"

A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though. Even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.