he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only
            that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he
            was right about that too."

Fellow 2 : "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?" Fellow 1 : "A judge told him."

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month.

A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?" "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."

Court scene:
1st Lawyer: You're a fool
2nd Lawyer: And you're a damn fool.
Judge : As the learned lawyers have now identified each other, can we now proceed with the case.